my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
