She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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