Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
