Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
