I showed him my bush... on skype.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
