she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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