U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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