The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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