U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
