my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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