i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
