Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
