So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
