it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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