Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
