What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
