I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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