i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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