If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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