does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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