I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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