I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
handjob tips. give me some.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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