I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
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We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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