The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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