He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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