well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
