this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
