I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
