shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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