just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
