No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
