Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
