I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
