I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
