Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
