Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
