she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
