Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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