I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
