We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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