haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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