Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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