Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
