The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize