no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
