Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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