I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
