Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
