You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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