Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
