thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
