ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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