i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize