Sry I called you an 8
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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