I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
