i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
