dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
