god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
