There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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