as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
