I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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