Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize