i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
