I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
