I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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