I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize