I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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