xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just forgot I was standing up.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
