idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
