no, he came in my armpit
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
